Seeing Through the Fog

 

Just recently I was invited to spend some time in Weaverville, NC at the home of some dear friends. The beauty of the mountains snatched my breath away as we approached their gorgeous 5000 sq. ft. log house. My life had been in utter turmoil for more than a year with my husband being in need of 24/7 care, and I was emotionally and physically spent. He had recently been in the hospital, and then moved to a rehab facility, so my friends, concerned about my welfare, decide a short mountain stay would be refreshing while my husband was away from home. I was so grateful all the detailss had worked out so that I was able to go.

I was offered my choice of upstairs bedrooms, so I picked the one that that had a window at the head of the bed, where from my pillow I could see the peaks of the Blue Ridge Mountains billowing up to the sky. The evening was an array of stars above and lights way down in a valley area. It was breathtaking, and that evening I lay there just watching the fluttering lights until I drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, to my dismay, all I could see was a dense fog, and the tops of the trees that were very near the house. Even though I knew the majestic  mountains were still there, I was blinded to their existence. This made me think about my present life….so dark, so painful, so much uncertainty, and even though I knew God was there in all His splendor , it was so hard to see Him. Life’s circumstances were so grim that all I could see was the “fog”. But then, I realized, maybe that was all God wanted me to see at the moment.  Maybe He wanted me to trust Him blindly moment by moment and walk ahead dependent totally on Him, even if I couldn’t see two feet in front of me.

 Little by little the fog cleared as the sun forced its way through the gray denseness. Finally, hours later, I could see the beautiful view once more. There it was! The renewed faith to believe that I could trust him in the dark time I was experiencing, because inevitably His Son would break through the darkness and all would be clear again.

I picked up my Bible and opened to Matthew 6:25-34 where Jesus assures us that we need not worry. “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

I then turned to another passage in Mathew 10:29-31 where Jesus tells us that “not a sparrow falls to the ground without the Father’s will, and we should not be afraid, because we are of more value than many sparrows.”  I lay in bed, contemplating this verse and God’s love for me.

Just at that moment, I heard a loud “thump” on the window. I didn’t think too much of it at the moment, still deep in thought over that scripture, but I finally got out of bed and looked out the side window. There below on the lower floor deck was a lifeless little bird. The fog must have confused him and he had flown into the window. I couldn’t believe it! I had just read that not one sparrow falls to the ground without the Father’s will. At first I thought, “maybe this is God telling me  that my husband will die. Or maybe my emotional stress will do me in.” I went back to bed and started really contemplating that scripture. What was Jesus really trying to say? Wasn’t it that our lives were so very valuable to him, that our hairs were all numbered? That he cares for each sparrow that falls?

I lay meditating for a while. Then I decided to check on the little bird again, and inform my friend of its death so his dog wouldn’t see it on the deck and eat the little bird. But when I looked down to the deck below, to my utter surprise the little guy was standing upright! He wasn’t moving, but he wasn’t lying flat either! I watched him and photographed him for more than an hour. He stood perfectly still, as if understanding that trying to take a step forward would be his demise. About four hours later, he finally flew away.

I could not escape the clarity of these spiritual lessons. I may feel like I can’t see, surrounded by dire circumstances. It may feel like I am banging my head against an unmovable wall until I feel lifeless. But the same way the little bird stood, there is resurrection power for me to stand!I don’t have to remain “dazed by the impact of the pain of life”. Sooner or later I will rise up and fly again. And so will you!

Puzzled

 

Puzzled

I have always loved the challenge of a good jigsaw puzzle. Even in kindergarten at playtime I would run to be the first to get a wooden puzzle. But lately the old fashion type of jigsaw puzzle has been difficult for me to do… just those age-related aches and pains from bending over a table! So when a jigsaw puzzle advertisement showed up on my tablet a couple of weeks ago, I decided to download the free app and check it out.

The first puzzle I chose was a picture of horses. (If you have met me even once, you know that I absolutely love these four-legged creatures!) The puzzle was fun to do, and I realized I was going to enjoy this app. But then I found a “special” where they offered a free puzzle for every day of the month of January. I clicked on January 1st, and to my surprise, these were “mystery” puzzles. No preview. I chose the hardest level of difficulty of the three levels offered and clicked on the start button.

The frame was the first thing I tackled, looking for all the white-edged straight pieces. This didn’t seem too challenging. But just from the frame, it was impossible to tell with accuracy what picture would unfold. Scrolling down one by one, I tried to find a piece, any piece that would fit into the frame. This was not any easy task, especially not having a clue as to what the final picture would be. But I kept at it, and little by little I placed some pieces, all the while gaining more perception as to what the end result might possibly look like. Sometimes I would get a run on the pieces and fit one right after the other in the same area. That was exhilarating! And I would study shapes and color, trying to get the right piece on the first try. As the picture began to unfold, so did my excitement and feeling of accomplishment. I could now guess with accuracy what the final puzzle might look like. It was actually a great feeling when I was down to the last few pieces and they filled in rapidly, sounding a little “bing” noise to assure they were in the right place. And then, to my surprise, when the last piece was in place, the puzzle no longer showed the division between the individual pieces, but was transformed with a “twinkling” sound into a beautiful photo!

I was hooked. Anytime I had a free moment, I would pick up my tablet and work on the next January mystery puzzle. Even though it was relaxing as well as mentally challenging, I started feeling somewhat guilty about spending my time doing puzzles. I needed to prepare for a speaking engagement that was only a few weeks away, not sit doing jigsaw puzzles. Yet I felt compelled to start a new puzzle as soon as I finished one.

 I was on puzzle number twenty-eight when I finally realized what was happening. God was trying to speak to me through the puzzles. It was a message for my own life, as well as for the conference I would soon attend, which I had titled “Never Alone.”  It now all made sense. Can God speak this way? Of course He can! The better question would be, are we listening when He chooses to use means that we consider unconventional?

God was showing me that I have viewed my life in the last few years as if it were a gigantic, difficult puzzle with no idea whatsoever what the final picture may be. My able-bodied husband had rapidly become disabled, until presently spending his days in a wheelchair and unable to do the simplest task by himself. I have had to sell our farm, my beloved horses, move twice and face countless Dr. appointments with still an unclear diagnosis. My home has become a revolving door for physical and occupational therapists, aides, and certified nursing assistants. Many days I have felt like that lone puzzle piece that didn’t seem to fit anywhere. No answers, just more problems to solve, another crisis. Other days, it seemed like I would gain insight as to our future and my husband’s illness, like putting a string of puzzle pieces together and feeling good about it. I would think I had a glimpse of what may be happening in our lives. Yet then another setback would come, and I would wonder if I had gotten a true picture at all. But with the same steadfastness that I attacked the jigsaw puzzles, I realized that God was reminding me of the strength He has put within me to persevere, day by day, issue by issue. He has given me insight as to which step to take next, as I pray and seek Him, just as I recognize where to place a puzzle piece by shape and color.

In His great love, He was using the puzzles to show me that every piece of my life has a purpose, even when I cannot easily find it. I thought I was wasting time, but He was showing me through these puzzles that the last piece will come; I may hope in Him.  Even though my life situations may be a perplexing puzzle, He knows the final picture, and it will all fit together perfectly according to His plan.

The puzzles I did ended with a “twinkling,” forming a breathtaking photo that erased any semblance of the individual pieces and their complexity. I truly believe that the pieces of my life will also bind together, and the brokenness and uncertainty I may be experiencing will lose intensity as they mesh to form a beautiful picture. For our circumstances, joys and hardships, and the people we meet along the way,  are not random pieces of our lives. They all form part of His beautiful pictures, which I believe we will see completed over and over again in our lives as we learn to trust Him and believe that He loves us. For we are truly never alone.