Last night I had the wonderful pleasure of spending a few hours with a precious young woman who had suffered horrific childhood abuse, but was well on her way to healing and wholeness. One of the topics of discussion was how difficult it can be to have meaningful relationships, and to fully grasp that others could actually "love" us. And that harder still at times is grasping the fact that God actually, truly loves us, just as we are. Most people, if they are honest, struggle to some degree with the concept of God as a "loving Father." But survivors of childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse, find it very difficult to believe this. How could a loving Father abandon us to such evil when we were so very young and helpless? Why didn't He respond to our cries and rescue us?
We spoke at length about what healing from these doubts "looks" like, and how abuse survivors can attain it. We came to a very simple conclusion: we need to ask God to reveal His love in very special ways that cannot be misunderstood, but rather clearly recognized.
I have prayed this prayer many times in my own life over the last few years, and God has been faithful to reveal His love in simple ways that I truly grasp, in unexpected moments. Sometimes it's through nature, like when a beautiful group of seven deer crossed the road in front of me in broad daylight just as I had been asking Him to "make my feet like the feet of deer and set me on high places." (Psalm 18:33). I will never forget the awe of that moment!
But most of the time He answers through people: "Redeemer relationships," I call them. A card in the mail just at the right moment from a caring friend, an encouraging phone call, a financial need unexpectedly met through one of His children, and the list goes on. Just as my wounded finger is being healed (read The Missing Chunk blog) from the power within my own body, the body of Christ can and should bring healing to the wounded. It is here that childhood distortions of what a real relationship looks like can be clarified. It is where we can experience God's love in a tangible, unmistakable way. It is here that we can be redeemed from past hurts, fears, and misconceptions about relationships in general, and gain insight into a healthy relationship with God.
To those who are on the journey of healing from childhood sexual abuse, I pray that you will have the courage to ask God to reveal His love to you in a simple, special way.
To the body of Christ, the church, I pray that you will understand the healing power in "Redeemer relationships" and be a participant with God in answering the prayers of the brokenhearted.
A Support Group for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Missing Chunk
Yesterday I was down at the barn with a visitor and I decided to inspect my horse's mouth because he had been acting strangely. Horses sometimes get sharp points on their back molars which then need to be filed down. It can cause them a lot of discomfort as well as weight loss. So I carefully slid my index finger up the inside of his gum to feel for a point. There it was, sharp as a razor! But before I could withdraw my finger, my gentle steed decided to chomp down on a piece of stray hay he had hidden in his mouth. I felt intense pain as I quickly removed my finger. There was a gush of blood, and I ran across the field to the house holding my finger, in a futile effort to stop the blood flow. As I placed the profusely bleeding finger under running water and then doused it with peroxide, I couldn't discern the total damage, but I could see a chunk was missing. Not stitchable, I was sure, because the flesh was gone! A trip to Urgent Care for bandaging, a tetanus shot, and some pain killer was imminent. So I am experiencing throbbing pain, have certain restrictions, and a rather lengthy time frame ahead of me as the healing process begins. Actually, from the inside out.
I know this is not a pretty analogy, but there is nothing pretty about sexual abuse either. It bites a big chunk out of our body and soul and leaves us bleeding and throbbing in silent pain. A part of us is just gone: dignity, the experience of healthy God-given sexuality, normal behavioral development, to name few. Instead, we are left bleeding with shame, guilt, fear and a myriad of other issues. We may think we can just "stitch up the wound" and forget about it, but the reality is that the heart has had a big chunk removed and it must heal from the inside out. And that, short of a miracle, takes time and may be painful.
But the good news is that my finger will heal! The miraculous capability of the human body to fill in the missing chunk is remarkable. And the even greater news is that we have a Healer, who himself was wounded, left to die, bleeding and naked. He understands. He knows about the missing chunk that was stolen from our being when we were betrayed and left naked. He understands betrayal and shame. And He wants to heal us. Not just superficially, but from the inside out. He did not create us to go through life with a missing chunk. He created us to live in wholeness, with a deep inner joy as we gaze into His eyes and realize He truly does love us. He did not remain dead or wounded, but rather was resurrected in power and glory. Neither do we need to remain wounded. His resurrection power will also raise us up! What a Redeemer!!!
"Just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in the likeness of His resurrection." Romans 6:4b
I know this is not a pretty analogy, but there is nothing pretty about sexual abuse either. It bites a big chunk out of our body and soul and leaves us bleeding and throbbing in silent pain. A part of us is just gone: dignity, the experience of healthy God-given sexuality, normal behavioral development, to name few. Instead, we are left bleeding with shame, guilt, fear and a myriad of other issues. We may think we can just "stitch up the wound" and forget about it, but the reality is that the heart has had a big chunk removed and it must heal from the inside out. And that, short of a miracle, takes time and may be painful.
But the good news is that my finger will heal! The miraculous capability of the human body to fill in the missing chunk is remarkable. And the even greater news is that we have a Healer, who himself was wounded, left to die, bleeding and naked. He understands. He knows about the missing chunk that was stolen from our being when we were betrayed and left naked. He understands betrayal and shame. And He wants to heal us. Not just superficially, but from the inside out. He did not create us to go through life with a missing chunk. He created us to live in wholeness, with a deep inner joy as we gaze into His eyes and realize He truly does love us. He did not remain dead or wounded, but rather was resurrected in power and glory. Neither do we need to remain wounded. His resurrection power will also raise us up! What a Redeemer!!!
"Just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in the likeness of His resurrection." Romans 6:4b
Friday, March 18, 2011
Reality
As I was just beginning the process of healing in my own life, I wrote this poem. I'm sure many of you will be able to relate.
One night I was born,
the child of a soft smile
and still softer eyes.
A hand was stretched out
and I blindly clasped it,
not knowing why, or how,
or what would come.
I only knew it was there.
And I began to grow
gazing at a clear blue sky,
never seeing the cloud
until it was ebony.
And I feared the rain.
My hand was slipping,
but his held on tightly.
I knew it was there.
Then I no longer knew
my own being.
That soft smile,
now filled my soul with tears.
And I feigned it a dream,
But was wounded by the sharp
reality.
For I was no longer a child
And life no longer a fantasy.
One night I was born,
the child of a soft smile
and still softer eyes.
A hand was stretched out
and I blindly clasped it,
not knowing why, or how,
or what would come.
I only knew it was there.
And I began to grow
gazing at a clear blue sky,
never seeing the cloud
until it was ebony.
And I feared the rain.
My hand was slipping,
but his held on tightly.
I knew it was there.
Then I no longer knew
my own being.
That soft smile,
now filled my soul with tears.
And I feigned it a dream,
But was wounded by the sharp
reality.
For I was no longer a child
And life no longer a fantasy.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
In the beginning
Did you ever think about the order of creation? I have been giving it a lot of thought lately. God seems to have created the lesser forms of life first and then moved up the scale to the most complex. First the plants, fish, birds, mammals, and finally man. Well, not exactly. Woman was actually the last creature to come from God's creative hand. The height of His creation. Beauty at its best.
And did you realize that she did not even exist when God first warned Adam not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? So why didn't Satan just go to the man and tempt him? Why bypass the one God warned and go to the woman?
It's only my theory, but I believe Satan knew from the beginning that the woman had the capability of reflecting the part of God's image that was crucial for human survival...His love. Not that I think men do not have the capacity to love. That would be ludicrous. But women seem to have a depth to the way they can demonstrate love...the very character of God. And a mother's love is undefinable in its depths. Is that why God chose the womb of a woman to become incarnate? Did he not show His love firsthand in the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus? Born of a virgin? So from the very beginning, the last of God's creation, the woman, was a threat to Satan. Is that why through the centuries women all over the world have been abused in many different ways? I believe it is. I am convinced that if women can be made to feel "unlovable" and "worthless" then they will not be able to fulfill their purpose: to reflect God's love on the earth. And Satan will have won.
But we know that will not be the case. More and more God is redeeming His daughters. Healing their wounds. Making them whole. Restoring their intended beauty. And we, the King's Daughters, are shining like a beacon, beaming with His redeeming love.
And did you realize that she did not even exist when God first warned Adam not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? So why didn't Satan just go to the man and tempt him? Why bypass the one God warned and go to the woman?
It's only my theory, but I believe Satan knew from the beginning that the woman had the capability of reflecting the part of God's image that was crucial for human survival...His love. Not that I think men do not have the capacity to love. That would be ludicrous. But women seem to have a depth to the way they can demonstrate love...the very character of God. And a mother's love is undefinable in its depths. Is that why God chose the womb of a woman to become incarnate? Did he not show His love firsthand in the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus? Born of a virgin? So from the very beginning, the last of God's creation, the woman, was a threat to Satan. Is that why through the centuries women all over the world have been abused in many different ways? I believe it is. I am convinced that if women can be made to feel "unlovable" and "worthless" then they will not be able to fulfill their purpose: to reflect God's love on the earth. And Satan will have won.
But we know that will not be the case. More and more God is redeeming His daughters. Healing their wounds. Making them whole. Restoring their intended beauty. And we, the King's Daughters, are shining like a beacon, beaming with His redeeming love.
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